This isn’t New York—it’s Schitt’s Creek. Here, no one cares that your pants cost more than the mayor’s truck, and until you start investing in your inner self, you’re not going to get ahead in life. This is a lesson learned the hard way by every member of the once super wealthy Rose family. Though they’re now marooned in a rural town—their only real asset aside from Moira’s library of wigs—the Roses are doing their best to become bosses of their significantly smaller domain.
Whether it’s love or glory or owning a Galapagonian tortoiseshell footbath, everyone’s definition of success is different. And getting there takes a little sweat equity and a lot of eye cream. Working their way up from rock bottom taught each of the Roses about their strengths—and their weaknesses (like maybe don’t try to build a cedar box for your cashmere sweaters if you’ve never used a hammer).
You can take all of the 1991 M’Lady Magazine quizzes you want, but the real insights are here in Schitt’s Creek. Learn how to claw your way (back) to boss status, according to the Roses.1. Take risks. You won’t know that flying to Bosnia to revive your career is a bad idea until you try. 2. Pick clothes that make you look confident, whether it’s a power suit or the sexy Halloween costume from your freshman year at college. 3. You have to spend money to make money, even if no one around you would recognize luxury if it slapped them. 4. Choose a partner whose strengths complement (and harmonize with) your own. 5. A spectacular public breakdown is great catharsis. Try it some time. 6. Work with pros—especially if you’ve never cleaned a sink, let alone installed one. 7. On your road to boss-dom, you might get some bad news, but ew, stop looking like a disgruntled penguin. 8. Try out new career paths (like, say, being a receptionist for your vet BF). 9. Be a mentor to others (especially if you missed the chance with your own hopeless children). 10. Say yes to every opportunity, no matter how out of character. 11. Like, really go for it. 12. Hire a PR pro. Being held hostage on a celebrity’s yacht (even if it was, like, just that one time) isn’t great for your public image. 13. When you’re just getting started, use any free resources at your disposal—say, “office space” in the local garage. 14. Remember: you can’t rely on anyone but yourself (including your mom, who might totally drive by without giving you a ride.) 15. Lean into what you know. But instead of working at a motel, own that motel. 16. Protect your assets. You never know when you might lose everything. 17. Learn from your mistakes, like plugging in the hair dryer with wet hands (twice). 18. Know when to pass the torch. You may have played Liesl Von Trapp once, but darling, you’re not 50 anymore. 19. And, in the middle of your glow up, never forget the struggles that got you here. (Like that time you drove your car through a Rodeo Drive store window.) Feature image by Niall McClelland